PixlBit

fame fucking destroys people.  

and Kotaku sucks.  Kotaku:  if you're reading this, you're a fucking dick herder.  

Truer words have never been spoken. I have no way to argue with that point,Matt. lol.

Folks who have popular video game YouTube channels make me grumpy.  Even if I like their video, I still get grumpy and jealous that they're popular and I'm still just small potatoes.  I worked so hard in college thinking I'd be like that someday, but it didn't happen. Oh well.  If I had the time and resources and knowhow, I bet I could make an awesome video game YouTube channel.

Anyway, I have a Tekken blog up that I think you'd enjoy reading. 

I feel ya,Cary. Sometimes I feel unnoticed too. I wish my art caught a few more gazes for example. However,it can be nice being small time too. The meanest trolls tend to go after the biggest names just to get a charge off of tearing them down! With fame also comes infamy. It's a double-edged sword,mate.

Trolls don't bother me, I'm a lot tougher and thicker-skinned than I look or sound.  And I know it's not all bad.  I just get a little discouraged at times.  Keep in mind that at one point, I was high on the hog writing for The Dallas Morning News and having upstart web sites asking ME to come write for THEM.  And then the dot com bubble burst and It's been a struggle ever since. 

And thanks for reading my blog.

don't feel bad, Cary.  Sometimes we might not understand the paths we are on or the ones we thought we'd be on, but we're always where we're supposed to be.  

this is all news to me. 

It was to me too,James. lol. I found it....intriguing. 

 Wow. Where to begin Ben? Firstly, Depression Quest isn't aimed at people with depression. It's aimed at giving outsiders a glimpse into what it's like to have depression. Since depression is something that effects people differently, naturally there are going to be some issues with people saying "hey, your experience is different to mine and therefore wrong!" 

 From what I understand, she has battled with depression. From my experience, depression can be extremely ego driven. In my case, whenever I read something negative about my work, it can send me off into a spiral of self doubt and questioning my self worth - regardless of how harmless or harmful it actually was. This is part of the reason it takes me so fucking long to pump plus 10 damage articles out. This site is pretty good, but the other sites I promote my stuff to? They're venemous as fuck and it can be quite difficult to even put anything out as I question what the point is, and whether what I'm doing is actually valid.

 So, it is understandable that she attacked people who attacked her work. These kinds of feelings aren't exactly pleasurable, and lead to a frame of mind that can quite easily lead to aggression. 

Secondly, these feelings lead to insecurity, which can be a huge factor in infidelity. I've cheated on a past girlfriend. It was a fucking terrible thing to do, but I did it. The thing was though, that we were in a long distance relationship, at the time I didn't really feel like she wanted to be with me, and I felt like we were drifting apart and had nothing in common. So I hooked up with someone close, more as a validation that I was actually worth something than anything else.

 The point is, with infidelity, you don't know the full story. This guy could have been abusive, he could have been an absolute cunt to be around. She could have been put in a compromising situation in a moment of weakness that then escalated and got out of hand. He could also have done everything right and she could be the devil. The point is you don't know.

 And finally, I'm a little disappointed by your elitism. It's a text adventure. Text adventures are games, and in fact were some of the first games. How would you feel if I turned around and said "nah, fuck space invaders. It's not really a game because it's not 3D!" Or "nah man, pacman isn't a game because no one dies!" It's nonsense tbh.

Does Depression Quest have any form of challenge, success and fail states like Pac-Man and Space Invaders. Are strength, skill, or luck required to win?  I think you're reaching here. 

Shame on the journalists involved though. They deserve an equal amount or more of the ire. These people do not care about the hobby, they care about getting any kind of hits, clicks ,and profits that they can. They are cancer to this hobby and this industry.

Bioshock has no fail state because of Vita Chambers. It's not a game. The Stanley Parable cannot be won. It's not a game. I think your likening it to Space Invaders and Pac Man show how dated your views of what a game can be is.

 And cool. Great to know my chosen proffession is less and less warranted every day. As someone who writes stuff for a site and has been involved on the business side of things: Hell yeah we want clicks. Otherwise there's no money. I'm writing for free at the moment while our ad revenue covers the cost of maintaining the site, but there's a reason we have to shamelessly promote our work constantly. Because unless you are the type to produce content every five minutes, or incite flame wars or have click baity topics it's fucking hard to survive.

 Now I'm not saying everyone is like that, but there's a reason dross like IGN and Kotaku have risen to the top.

Dying and being revived is the fail state. You don't progress until you are able to kill the enemy so that they don't keep sending you to the Vita-chamber. If you suck, you're not going to get anywhere. But the point was that Space Invaders and Pac-Man meet the criteria of a video game by every relevant standard - they set the damn standard. Rendering technique is not relevant. But with something like Deperession Quest, it gets a little sketchier.  You have a problem with the definition of the word "game" I'm using, complain to Merriam-Webster, Oxford, etc. Seems like the internet has given people the bad habit of trying to reform words to fit their agenda driven definitions. Doesn't work that way.

Your second paragraph is irrational. You're not one of the journalists in question, first of all. And second: you'd do anything for traffic? So that includes write click bait articles that have nothing to do with the products themselves, practice nepotism, spin facts, maintain compromising relationships with publishers,  not research what you are writing about, etc. etc. Is that who you are? If yes, shame on you. If not, why are you arguing with me? Explain to me how these actions don't reflect poorly on those involved.

And last but not least, Youtube and Twitch are making IGNorant and Shitaku less relevant by the day, and one reason is because the online rags have proven themselves un-trustworthy .

I'm not saying I'd do anything for click bait. I'm merely saying I understand the reasoning behind it and what drives it, and how hard it is to make money from gaming journalism.

Secondly, yes, that is the definition of a game, which is why I feel like we should fuck that term right off. Most games these days are interactive fiction, not straight up games like they used to be. We have interactive art pieces that don't really fall into the category of a game. We have games that are more about exploring a theme. These shouldn't count for any less just because our chosen medium was given an outdated term to adhere to. Might as well just call them toys then.

Why should we dispose of terms because some newcomers want to do things another way, though? Why can't we have "games" AND "interactive dramas," "digital theater," "virtual worlds," etc.  I just don't get the logic behind this, as if words are measures of worth instead of objective descriptions.  It's kind of silly to call Super Meat Boy anything but a game. What, "interactive cartoon?"  I'll pass

I kind of agree with you when you say "who cares" about this incident, on an individual level. As far as game coverage, I only consider the opinions of those I know and can speak fluently about whatever it is I'm looking to invest in.  There is a preponderance of evidence corroborating the accusations, if not the accusations from her former lover, then those of her being a lying opportunist (using Robin Williams death as promotion tool, for instance)and attempts by her and the gaming press to shutdown any discussion of the controversy. It's all really sordid, chicken-shit, low-class drama and I'm glad these people have no influence on any developers I give a damn about.

No, we can have it all, but as a blanket term, game is wrong. Maybe Interactive Media? Something like that but shorter, you know? Then we could get more specific. Dear Esther is an interactive art piece. Heavy Rain is an interactive movie. Super Meat Boy is a game. It's just that as a blanket term, game sends out the wrong message.

For sure. Actually, I've been using the term "electronic entertainment" for a long while. I don't know what inspired that, since I was using it before this new kind of software was anywhere on the map.

First of all Wizard chan did not attack Zoe. Seriously, I was on an indie game site when this all went down and it seemed very staged. People from Wizard-chan were responding to the slur-piece and felt very hurt and offended. And even if one guy from wizard chan was a jerk it does not mean the whole site attacked her.

Secondly,a game cannot really teach anyone about people who experience "real depression". Want to learn? Welp,chances are you already have if you ever had a best friend or GF diagnosed with depression or bi-polar disorder! Not only that,you're probably a more patient,forgiving,and loving person for the experience. There are just some things you have to learn by going through them yourself or having someone you love go through them. A detached "simulation" can only go so far,Blake. Furthermore, there are so many other "indie games" that did what Depression Quest did better! There's no reason DQ should have gotten "more attention" than those other indie titles.

 About the game itself. I like that it's a roleplaying experience built around depression. I like that it uses energy as a mechanic and that options are blanked out if you're depressed. I believe that it's A) trying to offer something different to what we're usually used to, a scenario that video games don't usually touch upon because there's no war going on, and B) that this isn't directed at the people who have been around people with depression. This is aimed at those people who are like "Robin Williams was a fucking coward," or people who have never met a depressed person and don't know what depression actually entails. And for that, it's a good introduction.

 As far as other games that deal with this go, Actual Sunlight probably tackles this better in giving you a glimpse into the life of a depressed person. That the creator committed suicide not long after the game came out is probably a good indicator that it's not a scam. 

 The reason something like Depression Quest got big while Actual Sunlight didn't is because Depression Quest offers hope, whereas Actual Sunlight presents depression as only having one outcome: Suicide.

 Secondly, the problem of "why did this game get so popular rar rar rar..." Why did Candy Crush get popular when other games deserved better? Why do stupid games like cookie clicker get so huge? Why did WoW explode and others didn't? Simplicity. This reaches  a wider audience than a fully fledged and complex game ever could. While it would be awesome to have a game like Mass Effect to deal with this topic, it wouldn't be as accessible to a wider audience, and a wider audience is definitely preferred with this subject.

"Secondly,a game cannot really teach anyone about people who experience "real depression"." So games have no real value and can't be used to put you in the shoes of someone else? That is a completely ridiculous statement.

Blake,sometimes a game gets popular because of publicity and things done behind closed doors to get that publicity. You like Depression Quest? That's fine,really. But many people did not too. Y'know,opinions....they're not always the same!

Personally I think Eron was kind of a sleazebag for airing Zoe's laundry but when one's private life begins effecting their professional life I think there's a point where we have the right to know. (I mean Zoe slept with Nathan Grayson,a friggin journalist for Kotaku....and not only that but he wrote favorable impressions of her game.)

Sure,maybe Nathan liked DQ simply because he liked DQ....but c'mon man,they were boinking and she also cheated with her boss who was married! Can you blame me for having a few doubts?! Is this someone you want to represent us when you think "female role models in gaming"?

This is nepotism taken to ridiculous extremes and you can huff & puff all you want but I'm not changing my viewpoint on this. For what it is worth I believe the men who were involved with Zoe who are part of the gaming press should be held every bit as accountable as she is. Though you may doubt it I'm not trying to slut shame her. But I'm not going to kiss her feet either.

I don't think you're slut shaming. Infidelity and merely having casual sex are completely different things. Secondly, is there proof that she did these things or merely what an angry ex is saying? Thirdly, even if this is the case, who the fuck cares? I enjoyed Enders Game even though the author wants to make homosexuality illegal. I enjoy albums by The Who even though the singer kidnapped an underaged girl and repeatedly raped her. I enjoy music by Eminem even though he's extremely sexist. 

 We should judge based on the work, not the character behind the work. Plus, Kotaku are fucking hacks who can't muster up any journalistic credibility on the best of days so we should NEVER trust their reviews in the first place.

It's a good question. But I would say there's kind of a difference between artists that are brazenly honest about who they are (Eminem,who pretty much admits he's bi-polar,fucked up,and someone who is not always the best role model) and someone like Zoe Quinn who professes to be an ethical person while simultaneously being immoral. 

   But yes,you are allowed to like Quinn's work and not like her or like both her work and her despite what has come to light. We're mates,Blake! You don't have to agree with me to be my friend.

  I'm sure you can find links attached to these two videos if you still have the energy to dig. I'm kind of exhausted from this whole fiasco though. (Matt was able to finally re-post his video that got flagged earlier too. As for Jim? He makes good points but even I think he needs to tune back the broad sweeping generalizations a bit. Eron? Welp,he had screen shots of conversations between him and Zoe.)

   And this......wizardchan album

I agree with everything you said here whatsacow. I've experienced a tiny bit of real depression and it really becomes an uncontrollable weight on your soul. Also there's no reason why a game can't express that to someone who has never felt it.

Your comment about why certain games get popular over others is right on. Simplicity is the key. Complex games are automatically going to get a smaller audience.

Sorry, but Depression Quest really isn't a game. It's an interactive story with music. There's dozens of websites where you can write your own. Doesn't change that this shouldn't even be in the argument when discussing her game, but look up "interactive story" on the internet and you'll see dozens of stories told similarly to hers that aren't called games.

I'd classify interactive story as part a game. We call heavy rain a game and it's barely any different.

Heavy Rain is more one of those games that blurs the lines, but the things it does separate it. You can get the same effect from Depression Quest if you had a paper book wtih a CD or MP3. You can't get that same effect from Heavy Rain. Maybe interactive stories are a game in a sense (even though I feel they're still more of just a story), but it can't be called a video game if there's no video.

Long video, my apologies.

Yup,watched this too,Chris. Cannot say much surprises me when it comes to "game journalism" anymore. 

However, I think Jim took it a bit too far when he pretty much arrived at the conclusion "Everyone is banging everyone!". I mean he might have been joking sarcastically but still.... 

Wait....

Not everyone is banging everyone?

So.. I should stop then?
Dammit..
So so close!

Chris,have hope! It's getting there! (Goes down on Chris) Uh....don't tell yo wife about us,kay?

Now say Guttedelve was a riveting life altering experience!

Gutterdelve just got 5/5 from me

"It was a riveting life altering experience,just like Ben's magical blow jobs! Uh,about that last part....we're omitting that,right?" ~Chris's review of Gutterdelve

Im at a total loss and I think its because I dont know of any of the people you have mentioned so....

How are you Ben? ^_^

On another note about Depression, its something a game could never full explain or show to someone, its just...its truely one of those things you have to go thru to know its effects and what its like. Its like I told my friend who had never been depressed a day in their life"its something I couldnt even put into a million words that would much less make sense to you, you either been there with it or you havent" Im happy to say they havent. When I go thru my "dark times" as they I call them I hate knowing someone else out there is too.

I agree,Nicole. Depression is complex and different for everyone. I believe the best way to learn about it (and how to help people with it) is simply by being kind,having an open mind,being empathic,and yes,going through a few down times yourself! Nothing teaches us quite like life experience.

I'm not saying games cannot convey ideas or emotions but at least to me a game like Silent Hill 2 or Shadow Of Collusus is better at representing a troubled mind when compared to Depression Quest. It's okay to have depression as a theme in a game but basing a whole game upon depression by itself with no deeper underlying story comes off as a missed opertunity to me. At least with SH2 and SOTC there's exploration,combat,and puzzle solving. Depression Quest merely came off as a multiple choice questionaire to me. As a gamer of course I'm going to sway towards the experience that's actually a game and the one that is actually enjoyable.

Hey Ben, remember when we had these things called "vidya game magazines," and they used to talk about vidya games? Remember when it felt like the coverage, even if you didn't agree with the opinions presented, felt honest and pro-consumer?  Remember when it felt like the editors cared about the games themselves?   Remember 1up before the Bob Mackey types infected it?  Or when IGN used to have intelligent content?  Or Gamespot even tried to be relevant?

Nowadays, I feel like Agent Smith when he was interrogating Morpheus :

"I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it."   - the current Video Game Industry in a nutshell.

Ah...when Nintendo power,EGM, Game-fan,and Game-pro thrived on shelves everywhere! I feel you,Chris. Granted,game companies always wanted to make money and there's always been corruption but I think there was in fact a time when developers wanted to make the best and most enjoyable product they could and as gamers we were simply content talking about gaming.

Indeed,something new is in the air and it's oppressive,poisonous, and it stinks!  

Sure, I remember some absolutely ridiculous scores handed out for games that didn' tdeserve them (Spiderman for Sega Genesis got the highest rating across the board from Gamepro. Just no).  But do you remember anything like this? or the Jeff Gertsmann Kane and Lynch debacle? Or the Lauren Wainwright scandal? Or Phil Fish?

Almost no one who isn't making the most noise or isn't banging the right people is going to get noticed in this medium if it's left up to the bozos we have as our public voice.  It's a miracle indie games, The Witcher, or Demon's Souls got any attention in this environment. 

Not really. As in there were not as many scandals going on. I think the shadiest thing I can think of was Super Mario Bros 2 was a touched of version of a pre-existing game. (Doki Doki Panick?) And uh,we found out Samus was a girl! (But that's a positive)

Even the pc gaming side of things was rather serene. (Save for games like Fallout and Duke Nukem dropping some sexual ribaldry and adult humor once in awhile)

I'm left wondering if the gaming world today has lost every last marble. 

To be fair, Nintendo Power was a marketing magazine put out by Nintendo itself, so their ratings basically picked winners and losers in Nintendo's ecosystem, especially in the early days when Nintendo still had enough clout in the game industry that they could make even Sam Walton shake in his shoes by threatening to withhold shipments to Walmart. But NP, to its credit, had lots of game maps and hints, whereas a lot of gaming mags today are a bunch of questionable reviews. :)

Simply put, the video game industry has matured and is now in the hands of suits on both the publishing and journalism sides of the industry. And while Siskel and Ebert were powerful and respected enough that they could afford to piss off Hollywood, game journalism is in a very financially shaky place and the big Western publishers have them by the curly hairs. Ubisoft went on a bitch-fit against 1UP after they were unkind to the first AssCreed. Shoe stood his ground, but Ubisoft blackballing them probably hurt the site quite a bit and contributed to its miseries later on.

I also know during the Nintendo-Power era games were made delibertely "vague" and "obtuse" to force people into buying the magazines for hints. lol. Most of the village dialgue in Simon's Quest is complete rubbish and it's my hypothesis that was intentional.

I have mixed feelings when 1up is brought up nostalgically. There were times 1up had integrity and times it succumbed to the same sjw pseudo intellectual bullshit as every other site. To this day I wonder if Bob Mackey believed what he wrote or simply agreed to be the shock jock click-baiter merely to fulfill a role. (Aka,agreeing to be the lesser evil in the hopes of saving the site he loved as a whole.) Guess I'll never know. 

Nintendo Power was just a joyous magazine to flip through, so those relatively minor "controversies" were a small price to pay, (and they weren't as sordid or persistent as today's scandals are).  I didn't even own a NES, yet I would borrow my friends' issues and pore over them. I don't know, I was obsessed with visuals of those 8-bit map layouts. 

Newspapers were't solely dependant on film coverage like games sites are on games; if Ebert slagged off a big movie, it made no difference to the fortunes of the paper, and thus didn't effect his pay grade.  Also, game sites don't chase their own stories, they are given them only if the publisher desires. No scoops that aren't purposely allowed, no insiders.

Hey, don't get me wrong. I was as big a fan of NP back in the day as anyone else, and I wish they still had NP today. If you wanted actual strategy tips for your games, NP was pretty much the only game in town even after mags like GamePro, EGM, etc came on the scene. I certainly wasn't cynical enough back then to understand, let alone care, that NP was a big part of Nintendo's marketing machine.

Wow. just wow.

I never knew something like this was happening right on Youtube. And about game making to boot. Not sure if this is an interesting thing or a bad thing. It makes me think twice about the comment section on youtube. I just considered them a "fire and forget" kind of comment system. I say my peiace and move on, never knew it goes all out like forums!

My advice would be to just be a gamer,have fun,and don't let the controversy taint your love of gaming. I do think the gaming press and gamers eventually need to have a discussion about nepotism and cronyism but there's no rush. 

Hey Ben, how you doing!

I was having a discussion the other day with some of my students about facebook and attempting to highlight the dangers of putting oursleves online. Facebook, you tube and hundreds of other sites (including this one) carry with them a certain element of risk in that we expose ourselves to people who don't know us. On this site it's relatively safe faire as the majority of discussion is video game based (for most people a part of their total life pie which is just a tiny sliver. Facebook however requires you to be you and invites friends to add to you 'personality'. This still poses a danger though becuase text can be easily miss interpreted and the 'ststus' option is often used in moments of emotional auto drive.

I suppose my point is that anyone who attcks, slanders or puts down anyone online knows only a portion of what is really going on and in these times I always look back to my own experiences and the dozens upon dozens of times I ve made judgements about someone and been wrong.

It is foolish to air dirty laundry online. Something I ve never wanted to be a part of because I don't know if I could live with myself should one of my comments be an additional cause to someone having a breakdown or worse. The truth is people like to think that they know what people deserve but until we can read minds that is a false reality.

Normally I agree,Adam. But this was a case of favortism and nepotism,the point where one's private life was used to immorally bolster their professonal career. And believe me,there's a lot of proof. Far more proof than when Patricia Hernandez wrote a piece about Max Temkin being a potential rapist. I'm not saying it's all "hard proof" but the gaming press has went after people for less and they're being extremely tight lipped about this in particular. (And there have been attempts by mods to silence and delete discussions about this on multiple sites) Something is definitely afoot.

Whoa, what a way to expose the seamy underbelly of game journalism.