PixlBit

Who could the guest be?! What could he possibly be talking about?! What are these pictures of Chun-Li alluding to?

Intro Comment: 

EGM had Senbaby, so there were at least edited swear words. Same with that Hsu and Chan comic I loved. I don't know that it was anything near South Park/Game of Thrones, but I definitely remember loving that magazine's "irreverent" sense of humor, we'll say. And this for me was all in the 2000s, so I mostly remember those 90s ads you speak of from Nintendo Power. 

The ad from EGM that sticks out most to me was from a Halo cover in 2001 where whatever game was being advertised had instrcutions for jumping out of a plane where one instruction was to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye. 

Stage Select Comment: 

Sounds like I need to finally play through the Portal games; I know I have the first one on Steam. Also kinda want to microwave this virtual hamster. 

I will say, as a fan of 3D Zelda, I do like breaking action up with puzzles, but Zelda is one of very few series where I feel that way and I couldn't think of one stand-out puzzle from that series. And as we've all learned from the travesty that is this week's Cage Match selection, I don't think my comments through as much as I probably should. 

The Meg made a boatload of money and was advertised plenty online. I'm with Julian in being surprised by people not knowing it exists ... even though I never saw it and am not sure I ever will.

Booky is just Justin, isn't he? Also, that lemons soundbite is gold. May J.K. Simmons never change. I really need to watch Whiplash.

I think most people thought Zelda would be too obvious and didn't want to be that person who just brought up Zelda for puzzles, ironically making the rest of us "that person" and Jeff the one person actually being true to themselves. 

STAGE SELECT SELECTION:

I wouldn't, cause I'm not the one to do it ... to give you a hint, I definitely wouldn't make it turn-based and I think the Nomura designs have a goofy "Oh my God, that is the most 2000s thing I've ever seen" charm to them. See, this is not a job you want to give me. 

Cage Match Comment (I'll listen to Consumption Junction later):

All of my comments on this will be why votes for Skyrim are wrong.

Point #1: Yakuza is crazy enough not to need mods. Well, modern Yakuza is. Vanilla Yakuza has Mark Hamill as Majima. Boo your cows. Mark. Hamill. as. Majima. 

I never played Skyrim, so it is not in my mind or memory at all. So ... like take that, Patrick.

You got bored with a Skyrim character, Justin? Never had that happen in Yakuza. Even side characters have probably fought and/or slept with a shark. Point: Yakuza. 

Kiryu would make a dragon his riding saddle, along with the Nords. Point: Yakuza. 

Julian's hatred of Bethesda is a legitimate reason to love Yakuza. To hell with everything he said after that. Point: Yakuza. 

Exclusivity makes Yakuza more special and bad voice acting has a certain charm to it (case-in-point: the "fixes" to SotN voice-acting ruin it). Point: Yakuza. 

If NWO had a Japanese counterpart, everyone involved in that company would be motion-captured and play pivotal roles in a side plot. Point: Yakuza. 

Knot's Berry Farm was the tenth-most-visited theme park in North America in 2017, according to Wikipedia. Point: Yakuza.

You've never played Yakuza (fireinthehole), I've never played Skyrim. Point: Yakuza 

Alexa spies on you and you can get a lot of incriminating information on a person in thousands of hours. Point: Yakuza.

That's the second time someone's mentioned Bethesda's bugs and shady dealings. On their birthday no less (happy birthday, Jeff)! Point: Yakuza. 

Super Mario Sunshine is also my favorite 3D Mario game, even though I started with Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt and SMW. Point: Yakuza.

Kiryu would kill ALL your stupid dragons (in-game; cutscene Kiryu won't kill anyone). He literally put one on his back. Also, I got in the ring as a referee and steel-chaired all Skyrim votes, then counted them all as ring-outs. 

Yakuza wins! YAKUZA WINS!

 CAGE MATCH SELECTION:

 I love Yakuza in large part for its substories. Therefore, Witcher III gets my vote.

Outtakes Comment:

 Take the pretense out of coffee and order frapuccinos. That ending made me orient myself differently ... and I do believe all the talk about Asian culture is another point for Yakuza. 

Hey man... I hear you... And I understand your pain.

Sincerely,

The guy who got more mad with each vote for Mortal Kombat XL the episode before this.

It's hard with games that have vanilla versions and updates or remakes. Guess we gotta specify from now on. Lesson learned. lol

Consumption Junction Comment Part I:

I guess I'm glad DOA5 got sent to the wrong address, since apparently I shouldn't play it. 

I rented DMC 5 and it made me want to play my digital copy of DmC instead, cause I was actually loving that game, where DMC 5 felt pretty meh to me. I invite you all to fight me.

I also like Bayonetta more than DMC 5. Bayonetta 1, specifically. The Steam version. I'm currently stuck in it, cause I can't remember what move I use to break walls.

When I Google Detective Comics 1000, I only see the deluxe edition cover. Where are these alt covers? 

Loving that Tenchu reference. 

I actually saw the Project Eve trailer Julian posted on Twitter and 1) I think because I was primed to look at the butt, I didn't notice as much jiggle as I expected and 2) really thought it was a Parasite Eve sequel ... I've never played PE, that was just based on title. 

I think I'd rather play DmC, too!

And maybe I'm just letting my pervert show, but her ass just seems to keep on jigglin' to me. That game also looks decidedly next gen to me. 

I could see it as a cutscene in a now-gen game, especially as I'm playing through Detroit: Become Human. But I would not be surprised if you're right. 

Again, I think if I had just watched the trailer with no prompting to look at her butt, I probably would have noticed it in the corner and been unable to focus on anything else. Having been prompted by your comment and specifically looking at her butt in a weirdly non-sexual/analytical way, I definitely saw how the outfit accentuated the butt, but not so much jiggle. 

I'll have a report to you by Friday. 

Awesome episode guys. Glad to have a 3rd chair again and really glad its Justin. Hes been doing excellent. Though Angelo feel free to come back and make it a full squad! Definitely be back with some comments on the cage match. That's a slobber knocker  

Stage Select: Chrono Brea....I mean Final Fantasy XVI. Ok so we start with a giant portal that gathers up all the heroes from other dimensions. This pulls in people from all of Square's games. Final Fantasy 4, Secret of Mana, Threads of Fate, Parasite Eve, the Bouncer and all those amazing gems.

They are told they have been called to battle the evil that has plagued the land. 2 weeks later most of them get a virus that their body wasnt immune to and get wiped out. Only the Chrono series teams, and Aya Brea, survive and must take out this evil. 

Music by Yasunori Mitsuda. Gameplay of Chrono Cross mixed with Chrono Trigger. So there you have it, Final Fantasy XVI: Break in Time.

Cage Match: Damn this is tough. Voice acting is better for Witcher 3. Bloodborne gets a slight edge in world design. Combat goes to Bloodborne. Graphics maybe goes to Witcher for what they achieved in such a huge world. Geralt definitely gives Witcher huge bonus points for his personality. Witcher 3 also gets points for plenty of boobies.

Damn! I really expected to come here saying Witcher 3 gets the slight edge. Which is even more impressive considering I havent finished it yet and I loved Bloodborne. I think it comes down to the final boss battle. To be fair I havent seen how Witcher 3 ends but I consider the final battle against Gehrman to be one of the most epic I've seen. In the end I think it goes Bloodborne which surprises me.

I'm glad you are happy to have Justin on as an official cohost! When Angelo came back to debut Video Game Cage Match it felt like he and Justin had been talking for years, even though they had just met. So I look forward to getting Angelo back for a full episode. 

Stage Select:

I would put Hiroyuki Ito and Akihiko Yoshida in charge (the Tactics/XII team), with either Uematsu or Sakimoto doing the music. I'd do high fantasy but with semi-realistic characters. Lots of moogles. I'd also try a turn-based system again. It would be a complete game from launch. Expansions might be made later, but they would be strictly side bonuses. I'd probably do.a job system along the lines of Tactics or V. The setting would be somewhat inspired by American Protestant Christianity or Mormonism, to kind of get away from the stereotypical Catholic imagery video games rely. on.

Cage Match:
Obvious choice of Witcher 3.  It is the 3D castlevania game we deserve.  You can be a classy fucker and wield a cane that transforms into a whip, all while wearing a top hat.  There is little more satisfying than nailing a parry and using a visceral attack to take down a third of a bosses health.  Plus, Eileen the Crow.
...  ....  .... ...
Wait, that's Bloodborne.  The hunter in Bloodborne would probably rip Geralt's heart out and bathe in his blood.

In all seriousness, it does pain me that I did not fall completely in love with the Witcher 3 yet.  The Witcher 2 is among my favorite games of all time.

Stage Select:  My only request for FF XVI is the Octopath Traveler art style.

It's funny that it was mentioned that block puzzles are just obsolete because I think these recent years have shown the exact opposite! Stephen's Sausage Roll is essentially nothing but quote-unquote simple block puzzles and that won a bunch of journalist awards in 2016 and currently has a 97% on Steam. Or to use a recent example, Baba Is You which just came out combines block puzzles with logic puzzles (for instance, if there's a line that says WALL IS STOP, removing any of those blocks from that line means walls won't physically stop your character anymore) to make something fascinating and genre-breaking. In actuality it's almost something of a block puzzle resurgence!

STAGE SELECT: Six words: Final Fantasy Sixteen Milk Mod Economy. You may ask "cows"? Who cares all farms have cows! Yes Sir! You are absolutely right, all of Eos have cows! Just think about the possibilities! So, your are interested? Let’s continue then, when you join our ranks, you get exclusive access to milk machines spread across the Eos all equipment will be provided with a small fee. You will have exclusive contracts to sell your milk at finest prices, or you can leave it to yourself and enjoy its effects during dark cold evenings.

Seriously, though, I really like the old mix-and-match job systems that the old Final Fantasy games, let's say up to V, had. Something about mastering a job and then using its quirky masteries together with other job's abilities to destroy superbosses just feels really satisfying. That, or belts. Nobody's sick of adding more belts.

VIDEO GAME CAGE MATCH: Ooh, what close one! My numbers say that The Witcher 3 has an 11% chance of winning over Bloodborne! That's hardly anything. It's almost enough for somebody to fix the results or something. Say, does anybody remember that The Witcher 3 shipped with a movement scheme that was so horrible they patched it out instantly? Boy, I wouldn't want to be somebody to vote for The Witcher 3, how embarrassing! Also, make sure to put my vote towards Bloodborne for... totally valid, readily apparent legal reasons of course.  I mean, gameplay reasons.  Gameplay.

Where is the like button?